Zurito

Big Block of Cheese Day

The West Wing, series 2. "Somebody's going to emergency, somebody's going to jail," written by Paul Redford and Aaron Sorkin, directed by Jessica Yu.

It's Big Block of Cheese Day (don't worry, it doesn't matter) and Toby Ziegler, the White House Communications Director, has grudgingly agreed to meet a group of globalisation protestors. They can't keep quiet long enough to listen to him, so Toby runs his argument past the policewoman who has been assigned to protect him.

* * * * *

TOBY: You want the benefits of free trade? Food is cheaper.

SACHS: Yes.

TOBY: Food is cheaper, clothes are cheaper, steel is cheaper, cars are cheaper, phone service is cheaper. You feel me building a rhythm here? That's 'cause I'm a speechwriter and I know how to make a point.

SACHS: Toby ...

TOBY: It lowers prices, it raises income. You see what I did with 'lowers' and 'raises' there?

SACHS: Yes.

TOBY: It's called the science of listener attention. We did repetition, we did floating opposites and now you end with the one that's not like the others. Ready? Free trade stops wars. And that's it. Free trade stops wars! And we figure out a way to fix the rest! One world, one peace. I'm sure I've seen that on a sign somewhere.

SACHS: God, Toby ... Wouldn't it be great if there was someone around here with communication skills who could go in there and tell them that?

TOBY: Shut up.

* * * * *

If there's an entertainment programme to rival The West Wing as a celebration of language, learning, writing and argument, I'd love to see it.

The West Wing and all its characters are property of Aaron Sorkin, John Wells Production, Warner Brothers Television, and NBC. No copyright infringement is intended.

This cardboard tastes like pizza

I'm not a big fan of the takeaway pizza. Call me picky, but I prefer eating from kitchens where the most important equipment is not a moped. It's like buying your lunch from Boots, which is, in case you hadn't noticed, a chemist. Mmm ... this chicken and Bonjela sandwich is yummy.

More surprisingly, neither is David Brandon, who used to be the CEO of Domino's. David recently said, "The weakness in our value chain with the customer was really in our core product," which is about as close to English as a Domino's House Special Tandoori Chicken is to a pizza napoletana.

David's ex-colleagues clearly understood what he meant though, and they have set out to make better pizza by using a different sauce recipe and, incredibly, cheese. Whatever next? You can see their mea culpa ad here, but try not to cry when the chef finds out what people really think of his food.

By the way, David's career took a sharp turn when he left Domino's. He is now the athletic director at the University of Michigan, whose alumni include Michael Phelps. By total medal count, Michigan would be the 26th most successful country in the history of the Summer Olympics.

(Wikipedia often comes in handy.)

Brevity

You can now follow me at www.twitter.com/simonprichard, where every now and then I'll try to say something interesting or amusing in 140 cha

Trying to connect you

In July I wrote that mobile phone conversations are annoying not because they are loud or intrusive but because you can only hear one side of them. I thought this was a vaguely interesting and possibly original view. Now I discover that not only did the remarkable Language Log blog come up with a much more detailed and thoughtful opinion on the same point in 2003, but Mark Twain had done the groundwork in 1880, in a sketch called A Telephonic Conversation. So, I was only 129 years late on the uptake.

By the way, Language Log is now here - and well worth a visit. I've seen it described as where serious professional linguists go to have fun, but don't let that put you off.