Apologies to readers of my newsletter who may have already seen it, but I am compelled to share this example of toe-curling prose from a company called Treacle Moon. That's treacle as in the sickly sweet, extremely sticky black stuff that's hard to get off your skin and clothes. Anyway, among other "yummy'itious" detergent products, they make a hand cleaner called 'those lemonade days' (they love lower case names), which has the following line dominating the front of its plastic bottle:
"that warm sunny feeling... you know the one... when for no proper reason your tummy just goes all weird and you grin like a silly hen."
No, sorry, I don't. And in the unlikely event that I did, what the thundering trumpets would it have to do with washing my hands? To rub sodium laureth sulfate into the wound, Treacle Moon would have us believe that their company, which supplies Tesco, is run by "Charles Henry Nelson our rather random garden gnome whom we consult about all elements of creative and design... his lilac and yellow knitted socks are unusual but necessary... and there's Matilda Fizzbucket, our bubbly chemist who has a cat with turquoise whiskers and behind the scenes doing all the other stuff Sarah, Dunc and Penny."
Give me strength.
There's far too much to argue with here, but some punctuation would be nice for starters. I also like the way you can spot the agency-speak ("all elements of creative") through that gap in the twees.
By the way, if you'd like a copy of my monthly witterings by email, just let me know.
