"We apologise for the delay. We are currently experiencing a high volume of calls."
They've changed the bins round our way and there is confusion in the neighbourhood. I need to know when to put the bags out but the council website doesn't say, so I've spent a couple of days listening to a recorded voice.
During my fifteenth attempt to get through, I began to wonder why, as well as lying about my importance, they use such a ridiculous version of English. No-one in the history of telephony has experienced a high volume of calls. They've had a lot of calls, or the phones have been really busy, or they've been rushed off their feet blimey is that the time I haven't even had lunch yet, but there has been no experiencing and no volume, believe me.
So why the twaddle? Because it distances, abdicates, dehumanises. Let no-one suggest that there are so many calls because changing something as basic as rubbish collection affects loads of people. Many of whom will be confused, surprised or in need of more information, no matter how many explanatory pamphlets you push through their door. So you'll get more enquiries. To which the answer is more people to answer the phones, not a meaningless phrase you learned from the call centre handbook.
Which reminds me of a meeting I once had with a call centre consultant. He was perky enough but you could see his soul was sapped. Key '0' for redemption.
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